I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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