he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
