We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
