i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
