Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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