I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
