i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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