Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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