wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
