all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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