all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
