I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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