he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
