I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
