I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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