Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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