So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
