Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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