Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just want nice things and good sex
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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