I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
