Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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