either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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