fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
