Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
