I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
