Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
