I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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