I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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