Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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