And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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