And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize