The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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