Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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