i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
BRING THE BAGELS
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
