i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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