I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
