literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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