...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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