I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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