Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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