I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
