i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
