i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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