I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
