I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
