Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
