moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize