my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
