Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
