i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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