You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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