3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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