Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
