He passed out mid-signature
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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