She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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