hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
