you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
