Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
