why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
