so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
