I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize