dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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