evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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