hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
