Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
