I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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