Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
