Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize