So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
