Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
