did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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