When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
