My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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