just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
