Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
only you would photoshop your dick
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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