I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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