I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
