after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
