Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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