don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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