Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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