Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
love makes seman taste better
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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