I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
