His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
