I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
