Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize