Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
